


Comfort

by reigningqueenofwords



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-11 23:22:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17456240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords





	Comfort

In your short time living with ‘Team Free Will’, you had managed to avoid most social situations. There was never any telling what would cause an anxiety attack. One day you would be fine in a small group, and the next you couldn’t handle more than just one person. Hell, there were a couple days where you’d told them you were sick, just so you could be left alone. You hated it, and you hated hiding it. However, when you told people about your social anxiety, they would roll their eyes. Your family had figured you were just anti-social. Too bad they didn’t know how badly you wanted to be more comfortable around people, how you wanted to be more outgoing, or how you wished that you’d find just one person who didn’t look at you differently when they found out.

At twenty-one, you didn’t see that happening. You hadn’t even properly celebrated your birthday, and that was almost nine months ago. Part of you was thankful that was before you moved in with the guys.

The four of you were currently sitting in the library, but you weren’t even sure what was going on at this point. You had joined out, staring at one of the lines in the table. Idly, you let your finger trace it.

“Y/N!” Your head snapped up when you heard Sam’s voice. Blinking, you gave him a small smile. “I asked it that worked for you.”

Looking between the three guys, you felt that weight in your chest. “I-I’m sorry. What was the question? I must have spaced out.” You chuckled uncomfortably.

Cas gave you a sympathetic smile. “We were talking about the case we’ve been looking into. It seems that this werewolf is targeting young women. Women _your_ age.” He started. “The attacks seem to be targeted around the same few bars and clubs. Figured we could head out and we could check them out. One of us could pose as your date, if that would help you feel safer.” Cas could see something in your eyes, but wasn’t exactly sure what it was.

Without really thinking it through, you nodded quickly. “Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, I can do that.” You gave them a forced smile. “Who did you want to pose as my date?” Honestly, you couldn’t see any of them passing as your date. Looking at them was like looking at three models who should be on a billboard, or actors that needed to be living in luxury. Not ‘dating’ you at some back town bar.

“Who would be more comfortable with? I mean, it would require touching, holding hands, acting like you’re _actually_ on a date.” Dean finally spoke. Now that he thought about it, he really hadn’t seen you out with guys before. Then again, you never really spoke of your dating life before hunting. 

Licking your lips, you looked between the three. “Well. There’s _no way_ Dean could pass as my date.” He frowned at you. “No! I don’t mean that in a _bad_ way. I- I just mean…well… _Look at you_! You’d walk in and get at least five beautiful women flirting with you.” You pointed out, earning a shrug. “I don’t think Sam could pass. He looks like he should be with some model, sitting in a penthouse, sipping some expensive drink.” Dean snorted at the word 'penthouse’, earning a glare from Sam. “And Cas. Well.” You shrugged. “Cas is _Cas_. People would think we’re on a business date or something. Nothing remotely convincing.” You were rambling at this point. “Why don’t you guys go together?” They looked at you like you had grown another head.

“Not like that!” Sighing, you rested your head on the cool table for a moment. “Like three buddies. You said the wolf is hitting up bars and clubs, _right_?” They nodded. “That’s Dean’s wheelhouse. All he has to do is sit somewhere and no one would even question why he was there. Sam could be your buddy. I mean, I don’t think you guys look _anything_ alike. That’s just me. Aren’t there always some kinda sports playing?” You didn’t keep up with sports at all. The more you spoke, the redder your face got, and the harder your heart pounded. With them, however, you learned to fight through. At least when it came to a case. Not that it would take it’s toll on you. You’d end up in bed crying later on. “Cas could join you guys, or keep a watch out outside.” You suggested.

No one said anything for a moment. Looking down, you picked at your nails. “It’s okay, it was just an idea.” You shrugged, getting up. “Why don’t you call Jo? I’m sure she’d be _perfect_ for this. She would fit next to any of you guys.” You knew that Jo had a crush on Dean. The only one who seemed to not notice was Dean himself.

Before anyone could say anything, you turned on your heel and walked as fast as you could to your room. Leaning against the door, you took a few deep breaths. Your biggest coping mechanism was music. It usually helped you calm down, and focus on something other then what you were feeling.

You had a small stereo on your desk, iPod already docked. Within a couple minutes, you were lying on your back, eyes closed, listening to the lyrics. You felt the anxiety slowly fading, being replaced with a calmness. Hearing your door open, you didn’t bother to look up.

“Dean said that he refuses to call Jo. This is our case, and Ellen would _kill_ him. We leave in an hour. Do you want to talk?” Sam asked kindly.

Feeling tears at the corners of your eyes, you shook your head. “No thanks.” You could hear him sigh and just knew what his face looked like. Worried. Sad. Confused. 

* * *

An hour later, you were sitting in the back of Baby, head resting on your hoodie that you had made into a pillow. You closed your eyes and hoped that they would think you were sleeping. The case was a good six hours away.That was six hours of moments that they could ask you about what you said in the library. Six hours of you feeling your heart pound in your chest. Six hours. Six long hours. Letting out a small sigh, you wrapped your arms around yourself and pulled your knees up. You knew that Cas was the one sharing the back seat with you. Why he didn’t just zap himself there was beyond you. He was choosing to be stuck in a car with you three.

Once they thought you were asleep, they started to talk. “I’m worried about Y/N.” Cas said simply. To hear that an angel, who still had issues with human emotions, was worried made your stomach drop.

“Me, too. I’ve never heard her put herself down like that before. _Or_ try to get out of working a case.” Sam noted quietly. “I tried to talk to her, but she shut me out.”

“Now that I think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her open up. The most I’ve ever really heard her is concerning cases.” Cas said. You could hear the confusion making it’s way across his face. You thought he was beyond adorable when he was trying to figure something out. Not that you would ever tell him that. He was an angel for crying out loud! “Has she let either of you in?”

Sam and Dean looked at each other. “Now that you mention it… _no_. She’ll talk about monsters, demons, vamps, and werewolves no problem. But the second it comes to talking about her, she shuts us out.” Dean told him with a small shrug. “I just figured it’s because it’s always been us three, and she’s trying to figure out where she fits in. _That_ , or she just has to get used to living with three guys. That can’t be easy.” You mentally sighed, it seemed the conversation was dying down.

“I just wish she would talk to me.” Cas said quietly. Neither of the brothers replied. Not too long after that, you finally fell asleep.

Before you knew it, you were being shaken lightly. “Y/N. Come on. We’re here.” You blinked, stretching as you tried to get the kink out of your neck. You’d slept the whole way? “Dean is off getting the room. Sam walked to the diner down the street to get us something to eat. Are you alright?” You looked to him.

“Yeah. Just have a sore neck. I don’t think I’ve ever slept that long in a car. Any car.” You  mumbled. Shaking it off as she saw Dean walking over, she gave him a tired smile.

“Well. _There’s_ sleeping beauty. I got us two rooms. One has a queen, other two twins. All I know is that _I’m_ not sharing a bed.” He said. “You three can decide who gets to share with Y/N.” Tossing you the key to the second room before turning slightly.  Which made no sense to you. Cas didn’t sleep. “Oh. And get dolled up. We’re heading out to start soon.” He winked at you, causing you to blush. You moved to grab your bags and saw that Cas already had them.

You moved toward the room indicated by the key and opened the door. It wasn’t as bad as some of the rooms you have been in. “Can you just toss them on the bed?” Your eyes kept scanning the room, wondering what stories the walls would tell if they could talk. Likely nothing you’d ever want to hear, but you were sure there were some good ones.

“Would you prefer Sam to bunk with you?” He asked, not taking his eyes off you.

Shrugging, you turned back to your bag. “It doesn’t matter. I mean, you don’t even sleep, Cas.” Grabbing your toiletry bag and a towel, you set them aside. You’d grabbed a couple mix and match outfits suited to a bar or club, and one dress. “I still don’t get why he won’t call Jo.” You muttered to yourself. Grabbing what you thought would be an acceptable outfit, you gathered everything. “I’ll let you and Sam figure it out. I don’t want to make either of you uncomfortable. Besides, I have to get ready to play bait.”

With that, you disappeared into the bathroom. Locking the door behind you, you took a deep breath. You were hoping that a hot shower would help. Drinking wasn’t something you did often, but you idly wondered if that would calm you, as well. You knew it effected everyone differently. Sam got goofy. It was always random with Dean. Cas hadn’t been drunk around you. You’d heard stories, but hadn’t been able to see it.

You took your time in the shower before getting out and drying off. You had chosen a tight pair of jeans that rested on your hips, a pair of black heels, and a simple black v-neck. Checking yourself in the mirror, you gave yourself a quick nod. Make up wasn’t your thing, although you’d been told it would be nice to see you in. What you heard was that you needed it.

Exiting the room, you saw Cas sitting on the bed. He looked up at you. You stood there, thumbs in your back pockets. “I take it that you’re rooming with me?”

“I am.” He nodded. “Dean said that tonight will be a _very_ good night. It’s lady’s night at the local bar. It should be packed enough to attract the werewolf.” He informed you.

Hearing that it was going to be more crowded than you had expected, your eyes widened slightly and you suddenly had trouble breathing. Shaking your head, you sat against the wall. You raised your knees up and wrapped your arms around them, forehead resting on them. “I-I’m sorry. I can’t do it. I can’t go to the bar. Go get someone else. _Anyone_ but me.” You said, tears fighting to escape.

Cas moved closer. “Y/N?” He said quietly. “What’s going on? Did something happen?”

You shook your head quickly. “No. Nothing like that.” You sniffled. “I-I have social anxiety. I don’t do crowds, public speaking, or anything that could draw attention to myself in public.” You admitted, looking up at him. “Go ahead. Tell me to get over it. Tell me that I’m just anti-social. That it’s all in my head. Look at me like I’m _pathetic_ and that I’m craz–”

Suddenly, you were cut off by Cas gently kissing you. Before you had a chance to return the kiss, he stopped. His face was just inches from yours. You stared into his blue eyes, shaking slightly. “ _You don’t have to go_.” He told you. “I’m sure that they will understand.” Chewing on your lip, you wiped your eyes. “I won’t tell you to get over it. I won’t tell you that you’re anti-social. Although, technically…it _is_ all in your head.” He gave you a small smile, earning a slightly chuckle. “You are _far_ from pathetic, and you are certainly not crazy.” He stood and held out his hand. Taking it, you let him lead you to the bed. You both sat at the end, your hand in his.

“Humans are imperfect creatures, Y/N. Some people get depressed, some lash out, some drink themselves to death, some do drugs, and so many other things. _You_? You just can’t deal with a lot of people. That’s just part of _who you are_. I don’t know who made you think so little of yourself, but they were wrong. You are so strong. _Every day_ you get up, and you literally save people. You think that the Joe going to work in some office every day could say that? Even though he commands respect and attention when entering a room?” You shook your head. “You won’t go through life alone. I won’t let you. I will be right here.” His hand gave yours a light squeeze. “I care for you, and I hope that you won’t hide anymore. Sam and Dean care about you, too. They consider you part of their family.” He tucked a strand of you Y/H/C behind your ear.

Giving him a smile, you wiped your eyes again. “Thank you.” No one had believed in you before. No one had been there for you.

Hearing the door open, you looked over to see Dean’s head leaning in. “Uh, everything okay?” He asked, his voice a bit tough.

Nodding, you sighed. “Cas will fill you in. I’m not going tonight. I’m sorry.” You said quietly. Dean glanced to Cas who simply nodded. Without another word, Dean left you two alone once more.

“When this is over, I’d like to take you on a date. I’ll find somewhere quiet, and where it’s not crowded. Would that be okay?” He asked.

“How about a movie date on the couch? No dressing up required.” You grinned, being fond of comfort.

Chuckling, he agreed. “I think that’s acceptable.”


End file.
